


Behind the Curtains

by BreathOfThePhoenix



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst, Book 7: Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows, F/M, Mild Smut, Secret Relationship, Wartime
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-03
Updated: 2020-04-03
Packaged: 2021-02-28 23:01:30
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,454
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23455195
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BreathOfThePhoenix/pseuds/BreathOfThePhoenix
Summary: With no friends to speak of, a hidden romance, and a war fast approaching, Romilda is forced to make decisions that could alter the outcome of the war.
Relationships: Theodore Nott/Romilda Vane
Comments: 22
Kudos: 28
Collections: Sing Me a Rare: The Mash-Ups





	Behind the Curtains

**Author's Note:**

> Written for Sing-Me-A-Rare: Mash Ups. Much love to PotionChemist for her wonderful beta work and constant support!
> 
> Song Prompt - Lose you to love me, Selena Gomez; Make you feel my love, Garth Brooks
> 
> Harry Potter characters are the property of J.K. Rowling and Bloomsbury/Scholastic. No copyright infringement is intended. No profit is being made from this creation.
> 
> Voted Best Female Lead, Best Angst, Best Smut runner up, Best Surprise Ending runner up, The One That Never Leaves you runner up

I could hear the rain pounding against the windows and loud claps of thunder booming in the distance. The heavy drapes in various colours couldn’t cover the flashes of white lightning that flickered through the cracks. 

Even with all of the people sleeping around me, I felt terrified and alone. My friends hadn’t returned this year, and with war constantly looming, there wasn’t anyone jumping to fill their places. Our numbers were dwindling — many students had left for the Easter Hols and not returned. Those of us that remained were the ones with no home to go back to. My pureblood family — blood traitors in the eyes of the Dark Lord — was hidden somewhere outside of England. They hadn’t even given me the option of leaving, just sent a simple letter one day after Christmas saying they would come back for me when the dust settled. 

Bastards.

I tossed and turned, my body aching for rest. The storm rumbled louder, shaking the panes of the windows near me. I couldn’t sleep. The cot was too small and my blanket too thin to provide any feeling of safety or warmth. The steady breathing of those around me just made me feel even more alone. 

Craving protection and reassurance from another, I sat up and grabbed a quill from my bag before unrolling the small sheet of parchment. With a bottle of ink balanced carefully against my leg, I dipped the quill in, the black liquid filling the shaft of the eagle feather. I pressed the tip of the quill to the parchment and watched as a small black pool spilled from the edge. Hesitation and doubt seeped into my bones and I wondered what to write.

**_Hello you._ **

The words formed on the page slowly, letter by letter, as if someone were actually writing them in front of me. I stared blankly at the parchment and more letters appeared.

**_Did the storm wake you?_ **

**_You know I can’t sleep with all this rain_ ** , I wrote back after a moment. 

It felt so silly to write out. I lived in a place that saw more rain than sun after all.

His thin writing appeared again, the words waking the pixies in my belly. 

**_Meet me at our place. Ten minutes._ ** __

I put a stopper on the bottle of ink and tucked it back in my bag with the quill. The words on the parchment faded slowly, leaving no trace they were ever there. Grabbing my robe from the hook on the wall, I tiptoed around my peers carefully. A few shifted as I moved past them, some looking as if they might wake up. 

“Romilda?” asked a deep voice, husky with sleep. His eyes were barely open and I could see he was fighting to stay awake.

“Sorry, Neville. Just need to use the loo.” 

His eyes slid shut and his head rolled to the side, sleep stealing him once more. I felt guilty for lying to Neville, but if he knew where I was actually going — who I was seeing — he would never allow me to leave. I would be Stunned and bound on the spot. 

The door to the Room of Requirement shut behind me quietly, like it knew that I was trying to slip away unnoticed. It was nearing three in the morning and I knew patrols would be done by this time. I hoped that the ghosts and portraits were also sleeping. The last thing I needed was to be caught and dragged into detention again. 

I had sneaked around at night enough times to know which hallways echoed louder than others. Holding my wand tightly in one hand, I made my way down the corridor, keeping to the shadows. I was thankful that most of the hallways were within the heart of the castle and away from both the thunder and lightning outside, as well as any prying eyes.

The staircases, which always proved to be a challenge, started to move as I was halfway down the last set. I quickened my pace, skipping multiple steps at a time, and jumping from the last step to the platform. I landed with a hard thud, my hands and knees smacking against the floor as I fell. My wand slid from my hand and skidded to a stop in front of me, clattering loudly against the stone floors. 

I could hear voices approaching from below and my heart threatened to break out of my ribcage as panic set in. Grabbing my wand and pulling myself to my feet, I raced down the hall carelessly. I flew past portraits, knowing I would probably wake them even with my softened footfalls. 

Finally, I reached the suit of armour I had memorised months ago. It stood tall and proud, facing a large window that looked out over the rolling waves of the Black Lake. Thick black curtains hung behind the armour, covering a small alcove. I was doubled over — out of breath with adrenaline still pumping heavily through me — when a firm hand grabbed my arm and pulled me behind the curtains.

“Theo,” I gasped, falling into his arms. 

He held me close to his chest, his face buried in my curly hair. “Love, I missed you.” 

Theo pulled back and I watched as his eyes studied my face and body. This wasn’t unusual. There had been many times earlier in the year when one of us would show up with a new bruise or cut, and that didn’t even include the times when the damage was something that couldn’t be seen. 

A loud crack of thunder exploded, shaking the armour in front of us. I slammed my eyes shut and grabbed Theo’s arms. He pulled me tight against him, the scent of his soap and the dampness of the dungeons enveloping me. 

“Shh,” he soothed, his hands rubbing up and down my sides as I clung to him. “I’ve got you.” 

He guided us to the cool floor before my legs could give out, pulling me so I was leaning back into his chest. His strong arms held me close, the steady rhythm of his heart calming my own.

“Thank you,” I whispered after a moment. “For  the warm embrace . For being here.”

My breathing had slowed down but my body still shook. Theo squeezed me, keeping me grounded, reminding me of where and who I was. It felt like the aftermath of a  _ Crucio _ , minus the residual pain that seeped through your bones. 

He was so good at helping me through those as well. 

“ There’s nothing that I wouldn’t do for you , love. I promise I’ll be there for you on the other side of this. You and I. Just Romilda and Theo.” 

My loving, protective, brilliant Theo. Theo, with the messy brown hair and the glasses he only wore when he was reading. Theo, who had held me for hours after the first  _ Crucio _ I received. Theo, who knew all my weaknesses and still loved me in spite of them. 

He nudged the black curtain aside with his foot, giving us a small glimpse of the storm outside. A flash of lightning brightened the sky and his body instinctively curled around mine, protecting me. 

I turned my head to look up at him, placing a gentle kiss to his jaw. He tilted his head towards me, his lips capturing mine. The pressure built and his tongue pressed into my mouth. I gasped at the forcefulness, thankful that he wasn’t being gentle with me. 

Theo’s hands moved under my shirt and cupped my breasts. He rolled my nipple between his finger and thumb causing a moan to escape my lips, breaking the kiss. I turned around to face him, my legs moving to either side of his body so I was straddling him. He brought his hands around to cup my arse and pull me flush against him. I felt his growing cock pressing against my centre. 

He moved his lips down my neck, sucking and nibbling deliciously on the exposed skin. As his tongue danced along the skin between my breasts, my head tipped back in pleasure.

“Gods, you’re perfect,” he murmured against my skin. 

He slid the robe off my shoulders and pulled my shirt over my head, exposing my bare breasts, rising and falling with each inhale. I saw the hunger flash across his blue eyes as he took in my hardened nipples waiting for his touch. 

I reached for the collar of his shirt and moved quickly to unbutton it. Drinking in his appearance, I memorised every line and muscle. It had been quite some time since he had come to me with a new bruise or cut that needed to be healed, and I felt like I had to relearn him. I pressed my mouth to his neck and sucked, relishing in the way he reacted to my touch.

Moving my hands down his body, I undid the button on his trousers and pulled down his shorts to expose his hard cock. I took him in my hand and pumped firmly. As he sucked one nipple into his mouth, he moved a hand down my stomach, slipping under the waistband of the sleep shorts I was wearing. My breathing wavered when a long finger pressed against my wet knickers and a silent cry fell from my lips. 

Much to my dismay, Theo pulled his hand from my shorts. “Take them off,” he said, shifting me from my position above him. I hurriedly removed the rest of my clothing and watched as he stood and shed his trousers and pants as well, leaving him in just his shirt. 

He wasted no time before pulling me to my feet and pressing me against the wall. I hitched a leg around his hip, my cunt rubbing against his hard cock. When he thrust into me, I moved my mouth to his shoulder, biting gently to muffle my scream. 

With a steady pace, Theo slammed into me again and again. I knew my back would be scraped from the stone wall I was pinned against, but I didn’t care. It would take a lot more than some cold rocks to stop me from having Theo like this — raw, uninhibited, and completely mine.

His hands ran down my side and curled under my arse, pulling my legs up around his waist. Our bodies rocked together and friction built between us. Every nerve inside me was on high alert. I needed his touch, his fingers digging into the soft flesh of my arse, his warm breath against my sternum. My hand snaked down between us to rub at my clit, my body craving a release. 

“They’re coming tomorrow. The Dark Lord said to begin preparations in the morning.” 

Theo’s thrusting halted and I brought my right hand to his mouth to quiet his panting. We stood frozen, his cock throbbing inside me. 

“Severus, you can’t be serious about this?” McGonagall’s shocked voice came from the other side of the curtain. 

“You seem to forget that there are still students here in the castle. Or do you really believe they’ve all gone home?” drawled Snape. 

I looked up at Theo, my eyes wide with understanding. Snape knew about those of us hiding in the Room of Requirement, but he had done nothing to draw us out. Was he trying to protect us?

“I’ll alert the other staff and evacuate the students. I do hope that you know what you’re doing, Severus.”

There was a long pause and I wished to be a fly on the wall, to be able to see Snape’s expression. 

McGonagall let out an exhausted huff before walking away, her quick footsteps becoming quieter with every step. Snape waited longer, remaining no more than a few meters away from our naked, coupled bodies. 

“As do I,” he muttered finally, his voice raked with an uncertainty I had never heard before. His robes swished, indicating he had turned away from us, and soon his footsteps were barely audible. 

When it was clear we were finally alone again, Theo eased me back to the ground, his soft cock sliding out from my core. My hand dropped from his mouth to grip his arm. 

“Does that mean…?” I trailed off, the words sticking in my throat. 

He nodded his head stiffly. “The war is going to end, one way or another.”

Fear sunk into my bones. This wasn’t the fear of a thunderstorm, or wondering if I would be caught on my way to meet my lover in the middle of the night. This was the fear that would keep a person awake for hours, that would leave scars on the soul. 

Theo bent over and handed me my shorts, shirt, and robes. We dressed quickly, neither of us saying a word. When we were fully clothed again, he crushed me against his chest, arms wrapped around me like a  _ Protego _ . 

“I’m so sorry, Romilda.” His voice was thick with unspoken words.

I tried to step back and look up at him but he held me close. “Theo, what — what are you talking about?” 

“The Dark Lord is coming. Tomorrow, we fight.”

As tears slipped down my cheeks, I tried to control my breathing. 

“I love you.” He tilted my head up, our lips brushing softly. I pressed onto my toes, deepening the kiss while my tears dampened our cheeks.

It was a goodbye. I didn’t understand why it was happening, but I knew in my heart that something was wrong. Through all of this, Theo had been my one constant. After the first time I was struck with a  _ Crucio _ , Theo was there to hold me tight. He found ways to make sure I never felt alone. He made me feel loved in the middle of a war that felt like it might never end. 

He gave me hope.

When our kiss broke, I expected to see the pain I felt in my heart reflected back on his face, but all I saw was a calm mask. I had seen the same composure on Draco Malfoy’s face so many times over the years and the similarities scared me. 

“Theo… Theo, I need you.”

He dropped his hands from my body and stepped back, disappearing behind the curtain. I doubled over, my heart shattering in my chest, tears streaming down my face. I tried to think, to process his words and actions. That wasn’t Theo. It couldn’t be.  _ My _ Theo wouldn’t leave me like that. He wouldn’t shag me breathless and then walk away immediately after.

I fumbled for my wand and pulled the drapes back slightly. The corridor was empty, Theo nowhere in sight. The rain had stopped and the clouds disappeared, leaving behind a thick layer of fog and mist along the grounds. Dawn would break soon and morning patrols would begin. Moving of their own accord, my feet carried me back towards the Room of Requirement.

_ The others. _ Oh gods, they had no idea what was about to happen. The end of the war was something we’d expected. We knew it had to happen eventually, but  _ today _ ? It was too soon. We weren’t ready. 

Where was Harry Potter? Could we do this without him? No one had heard from him in ages.

I broke into a sprint, not caring if my heavy steps woke the portraits. We needed more time. We had to leave, to run, to fight. Adrenaline coursed through my veins as I bounded up the staircases. 

My mind raced in different directions. Warn the others.  _ Theo. _ Get help.  _ Theo. _ Hide the children.  _ Theo.  _

_ Theo. Theo. Theo. _

He said he’d protect me, didn’t he? Protect me from who? Would he take a spell for me? Would he hex someone he knew to save my life? 

_ Would I? What would I do to protect him if it came down to it? Would I defend him? _

Of course, I would. I would  _ die _ for Theo. I would stand in front of the Dark Lord himself if it meant that Theo would live. 

When I reached the empty seventh floor corridor, I skidded to a stop. What was I going to do when I got in there? It would send panic through the room. We couldn’t just walk out after having been missing for months now — some since before Christmas. 

Pausing and checking the time, I saw that morning patrols would begin soon. I needed to get to McGonagall and tell her where everyone was. Snape believed we were still here, but I had to make sure she knew exactly where to look. She needed time to get everyone out. 

The door to the room vanished and I took off in the other direction, towards Gryffindor Tower. I knew the shortcuts and hidden staircases well, often using them to find Theo in the middle of the night. 

_ Theo. _

No. No, now was not the time to worry about Theo. Get help. Tell McGonagall. 

I reached the door to her chamber and banged on it with my fist. I was out of breath, and my hair stuck to my face and neck with sweat from running and sex. It had barely been half an hour since I heard McGonagall’s conversation with Snape and I prayed she was back in her quarters.

Slowly, the door opened and I could see my professor standing there, her face lined with stress and exhaustion. This was not the professor I knew and looked up to. This was the face of someone who was about to enter  _ another _ war, with no sleep and a school full of students looking to her for help.

When she took in my appearance, her features shifted into shock. “Miss Vane. Come in, quickly.”

I slipped through the large door and into a small apartment. Taking in my surroundings, I noticed a small table and chairs, kitchenette, two doors, and a cozy living space where three of my professors were sitting on the sofa.

“Oh, hello,” I said awkwardly. 

Professors Sprout, Flitwick, and Slughorn all stared at me. There was a clock beside the couch, ticking away, reminding me that I had not slept at all. My body ached and I wasn’t sure how much longer I would be able to stay awake. It was as if all the energy and adrenaline that had been pumping through me mere minutes ago had drained, leaving me with nothing.

The door clicked shut and Professor McGonagall walked over to stand beside me. “This is quite unexpected, Miss Vane. We were all under the assumption that you had gone home during the Easter Hols and did not return.” 

“The Room of Requirement. There’s a large group of us there. Neville, Dennis and Colin, a bunch of Hufflepuffs and Ravenclaws as well. Luna was missing for a while, but she’s back now.” My voice was hurried, trying to get the information out quickly before I passed out. 

“Why are you telling us this now, Miss Vane? Why in the middle of the night?” Professor Sprout asked. Like McGonagall, she looked like she hadn’t slept in days. All of the professors did, now that I really looked at them.

I turned back to McGonagall. “I heard your conversation with Snape. I know they’re coming.”

Her face remained composed, but I noticed a small twitch at the corner of her mouth. 

“Conversation with Snape? Minerva, what is this child talking about?” asked Slughorn. Much as I loved potions, he clearly had no idea who I was. 

Probably for the best, since I had stolen his ingredients last year to slip Harry a love potion. That felt like ages ago. Had it really only been a year? 

“As I was saying, I spoke to Severus tonight. He has gotten word that an attack on Hogwarts is expected tomorrow. The Carrows will be preparing to attack from the inside. We need to get the students out.”

“That’s why I’m here. There are so many younger children hidden away with us. We need to get them out.”

“You’re all children, my dear. You  _ all _ need to leave,” said Sprout, her voice laced with kindness. “This is not your war to fight.”

“With all due respect, Professor,” I said, my hands shaking. “This  _ is _ our war. All I’ve known since I’ve been at Hogwarts is this war. You can’t expect us to leave.”

I thought of all the kids hidden upstairs, our childhoods robbed by a man hungry for power and control.

“Miss Vane, you are a fifth year. You are not an adult and I cannot allow you to remain on school property and fight,” McGonagall said sternly. 

On an average day, my heart would have warmed at the concern in my professor’s voice. But today was not an average day. 

I took a calming breath. “I’ve told you what I need to. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have to go save someone else.” Turning on my heel, I quickly left the small apartment and made my way through the quiet halls. 

Day had begun to break, a rich pink light glowing on the horizon. There was still a low-hanging fog covering the ground, but it looked like the coming day was going to be one of our first sunny ones. 

How fitting.

Morning patrols had started, and I knew the Carrows would be out rounding up the faculty to fight on Voldemort’s side. Would they be looking for students too? Or would Slughorn be able to get back and help his students leave?

The trip to the dungeons took longer than I hoped and I cursed myself for leaving my bag back in the Room of Requirement. It would be so much easier to write to Theo and have him meet me somewhere.

We had to leave. To escape. I needed him. 

Last year I had almost killed Ron Weasley over a stupid crush on Harry Potter. After that, I would hear people whispering when I walked through the halls. My friends, who had egged on my crush, were suddenly wary of me. I saw the way they looked at me when they thought I couldn’t see. I had to watch Ginny Weasley snog Harry after a Quidditch match, feeling like my heart was cracking, and there was no one there to comfort me. It was like the entire world was stripped away from me because of one foolish mistake. 

Gods, how dumb was I? Trying to slip a love potion to someone I didn’t even know? I wished I could go back and tell my younger self that there was love waiting up ahead, to just be patient a little longer. That true love exists for her — real, honest to gods, love. 

I thought back to all my times with Theo, to the times he helped me and showed me that I was more than just some dumb bint. He made me feel like the Gryffindor I was meant to be. His protection from the Cruciatus Curse was nothing in comparison to the protection he gave me from myself. I stopped beating myself up over my mistakes. He made me feel strong, like I could do anything. 

The hallway leading to the Slytherin common room came into view and I channelled my inner lion as I marched up to where I knew the door would appear. I didn’t know the password, and I had no idea if anyone would be leaving soon. Not that they would let me just waltz in there anyway. Raising my fist, I pounded on the wall, hoping that someone on the other side would hear me. Praying it wouldn’t be Draco Malfoy or Pansy Parkinson.

_ “They can’t know,”  _ Theo had said one day, early on in our relationship.  _ “It would be too dangerous for us both. Draco is in too deep with the Death Eaters, and Pansy will do whatever he says. It’s to protect you, my love.” _

After a moment, a door appeared and a blonde, upper year Slytherin walked out. I thought it might be one of the Greengrass sisters. She looked at me, disgust riddling her features. 

“What do you want, blood traitor?” she asked, her mouth turned up in a sneer to rival Malfoy’s. 

“Theo. Theo Nott. Is he there?”

She rolled her eyes and stepped back into the common room. A few moments later she returned, alone.

“He’s not here.” 

“Do you know where he is?” I demanded, trying not to panic again.

“I don’t, but he’s not here. Neither is Malfoy, if that gives you any clue.” She walked back into the common room and left me alone in the hallway. 

Theo was with Malfoy. Why did she say that it was a clue? I didn’t know where Malfoy spent his time — why would I?

I couldn’t leave now. There was no way I could leave without Theo. I wouldn’t have made it this far without him and I wasn’t going to desert him now.

Pacing in the corridor outside the Slytherin common room wasn’t going to do me or the others any good, though. I made my way back to the Room of Requirement, thankful for another uneventful trip. With all the luck I’d been having tonight, I wondered if someone had spiked my drink with Felix Felicis. Granted, everyone else was probably preparing for the war behind closed doors, too busy to care about a lone student wandering the halls. 

The Room of Requirement’s door appeared and I slipped inside. People were still asleep, and I assumed that meant McGonagall hadn’t been there yet to start evacuating the younger students. I made my way back to my cot and quickly changed my clothing into something that was more appropriate for what I knew was coming. 

Fleeing or fighting. Fleeing or fighting.

Part of me — the Gryffindor part — wanted to stay and fight, but the other part wanted to grab Theo and run. Except, I didn’t even know where he was. My heart broke again at our tearful goodbye.

The cot creaked as I sat down on it, crossing my legs in front of me. Finally able to, I reached for the parchment in my bag and unrolled it. His beautiful words were staring back at me. 

**_I’m still here. Still yours._ ** __

My heart skipped a beat. It felt like I could breathe again. Grabbing my quill, I quickly wrote back.

**_I tried to come for you. Where are you?_ **

Moments passed and I waited with bated breath for his response. 

**_Dorm room. Waiting to see what happens. What about you?_ ** __

He was in his room the whole time? Wouldn’t the Slytherin I spoke to have checked his room? Maybe she didn’t like Theo. 

On second thought, she probably didn’t like me. That must have been it.

**_The heads all know. McGonagall is going to get the younger students out._ ** __

**_Let me know what you know. I want to be there to fight with you_ ** **.**

**_Of course. I love you._ **

The words disappeared and I rolled the parchment back up, tucking it under my pillow. Sleep felt pointless now — we would be preparing for the younger students to leave soon — but I thought laying down might help my body rest. The second wind I’d gotten after leaving McGonagall’s was going to fade at some point and I couldn’t trust myself to go into battle on such little rest.

* * *

I barely slept. Anytime I closed my eyes, visions of red and green lights ricocheting off broken walls danced in front of my eyelids. I could see bodies flying through the air, dust and blood mixed under my fingernails.

McGonagall came in a few hours later, looking more like herself than she had in the early hours of the morning. She told us that there would be an attack on Hogwarts today. I could see the panic spread through the room and caught sight of a few second year students huddled together crying. 

Neville helped the younger students escape. They left through the portrait on the wall and were sent to safe houses from there. Students under seventeen were told they needed to leave, though most of us stood our ground. I narrowed my eyes at McGonagall, daring her to try and send me home again. 

In the end, all the seventh year students stayed, and most of the fifth and sixth years did as well. We honed our house traits — courage and loyalty and intelligence. We had grown up like this and we would see it through to the end. 

After all of the younger students had cleared out, we sat and waited. 

And waited.

I wrote to Theo, telling him what had happened. He said they were staying safe in the dungeons. He told me he loved me. 

**_Just you and I. Just Romilda and Theo_ ** . 

My heart sang, even in this time of fear.

Our news finally came, in the form of Harry, Ron, and Hermione. 

They told us what we already knew, that a war was coming. I drifted to the edges of the group, listening to the plans — something about a diadem — and relaying everything to Theo. He kept reminding me that he would find me and protect me.

Time moved faster. Slipping away.

More people joined us, arriving through the portrait. Order members and Aurors. Family and Hogwarts alumni. There was more planning, and then we were leaving, heading back into the main belly of Hogwarts, out of our safe haven and into battle. 

Neville, Seamus, and Dean ran ahead, leading a group of Aurors through the corridors. People moved off in separate directions. I slipped through the crowds of people, hearing the cracking of magic in the distance. Large windows on either side of me showed the last rays of sun dipping below the horizon. 

A pillar in front of me exploded, raining stone and gravel down in my path. I jumped out of the way, turning and running down another corridor. Cho Chang and Katie Bell flanked either side of me, their wands held out in front of them.

I didn’t know where I was going. We were supposed to protect and defend, to defeat the Death Eaters we came across. 

_ Disarm. _

_ Don’t kill.  _

_ Constant Vigilance. _

I turned around another corner, realizing too late that it was leading us to the secret spot I shared with Theo. That’s when I saw it — saw him. 

His hands were up her skirt, his lips pressed to hers as if there wasn’t a war going on around them. 

Theo and the blonde Slytherin from earlier were kissing outside  _ our _ hiding spot.

They heard our footsteps and broke apart, his body immediately shifting into a dueling stance, his hand still holding the blonde’s. Looking into his eyes, I saw the exact moment he realised who had caught him. 

I choked on air, trying to fill my empty lungs, to make my heart start beating again. I stood there, staring at the man I loved as he clung to another.

His mouth turned up in a smirk and he relaxed his stance. 

“Oh,  _ love _ , you found me.”

“Theo…” I gasped desperately. 

The blonde beside him tittered, her small hand coming up to cover her mouth. I wanted to attack her. Screw Voldemort. In that moment, I wanted her dead.

Trying to gain control of my emotions, I gripped my wand in my hand, never dropping it from the raised position it was in earlier. “What are you doing, Theo?” 

The blonde looked up at Theo adoringly. “Oh, just tell her, Theo. I think your fun little game has come to an end, don’t you?” 

He leaned down and pressed his lips to hers again. I felt my stomach lurch. I was sure if I had eaten anything that day, it would have been spilled on the floor by this point.

Turning back to me, Theo flashed a smile that made my blood boil. “You didn’t think I meant all that, did you? Did you really think I could love someone like  _ you _ ?”

Words escaped me. My thoughts ran fuzzy and my mouth was dry. “I– I–”

The girl laughed again. “Pathetic,” she spit. “You were nothing to him. Just someone that would spill all the Order’s plans when we needed them.”

“Daphne,” he cooed. “Let’s give her some credit. She played her role very well today. So well, in fact, that the Carrows should be intercepting Weasley and Granger right about now.”

I felt Katie’s hand reach out and grab my shoulder. “Romilda…” 

“Go! Go find them. I’ll take care of this.” 

Katie and Cho took off in search of the others. Off to fix my mistakes. 

Why was I always putting Ron Weasley in danger unintentionally?

“You’re not one of them, Theo. You’re better than this. We can still leave.”

He laughed, his hand releasing Daphne’s as he stalked towards me. “I am one of them. I have been since Easter.” He rolled up the left sleeve of his shirt. A black snake slithered along his forearm. 

It wasn’t possible. This wasn’t Theo.

_ My loving, protective, brilliant Theo. _

“You’re nothing to me, blood traitor.”

_ Theo, with the messy brown hair and the glasses he only wore when he was reading. _

“You were just an easy shag.”

_ Theo, who had held me for hours after the first  _ Crucio _ I received.  _

“You told me what I wanted to hear.”

_ Theo, who knew all my weaknesses and still loved me in spite of them.  _

“You’re weak. Nothing. You fall at the feet of pretty boys and wait for them to tell you you’re worthy of something. How could I ever love someone like that?”

My heart pounded in my chest and I could feel hot tears pooling in the corners of my eyes. I wanted him to hurt. I wanted to prove to him and the snickering blonde that I was more than the girl who chased boys, that I was capable of fighting back instead of rolling over. 

I wanted — no,  _ needed _ — to prove to myself that I was everything he made me believe I was. 

“ _ Petrificus Totalus _ ,” I whispered, my wand aimed at his chest. His body stiffened and he fell to the floor. I quickly aimed my wand at Daphne, shooting off the same spell before she could block it and fight back. 

I crouched next to Theo’s body and pushed his hair off of his face. His eyes shifted back and forth, trying to fight the spell. I searched his face for a sign of the person I fell in love with, but all I saw was hatred. 

Reaching for his wand, held loosely in his hand, I watched the panic flash through his eyes. I took the ash wood and brought it into his line of sight. His breathing increased and I could almost hear his pleas to stop what I was doing, that I would regret this, that he was sorry.

“Goodbye, Theodore Nott. I hope you rot in hell.”

And then I snapped his wand in two. 

* * *

Harry Potter won the war. 

Everyone was celebrating. Well, celebrating and mourning. What a strange combination.

I suppose I was too — celebrating a victory, a feeling of freedom for the first time in a long time, and mourning the loss of someone I loved. 

The Death Eaters had been taken away and my body shook at the sight of Theo being bound and dragged from the castle. I watched the blonde, Daphne, crying against Pansy’s shoulder. Daphne reached out her hand as Theo passed and his eyes met hers. They were the sad eyes of a man leaving the love of his life. 

He wouldn’t even look at me.

I sat on the steps outside the Great Hall, my head in my hands. Like the castle around me, my support system had crumbled. Everything I thought would protect me had turned to dust.

“I’d say that went rather well, wouldn’t you?” Luna Lovegood said, her airy voice a sharp contrast from the world around us. “Though I suppose you might see it differently, since you lost someone you love.”

I looked up at the barmy witch. “What are you talking about, Luna?”

She sat down on the steps next to me and rested her head against my shoulder, her arm linked with mine. 

“You’re just a little lost, is all. It’s the wrackspurts. They’re everywhere today. Would you like some tea?”

I felt a tear slide down my cheek. “How do I get rid of them?”

I felt Luna’s smile against my arm. “You keep going, of course. Romilda Vane is still in there. You might just need to meet her again.”

She stood up and walked away, standing next to Neville in the small group down the hall. Her hand joined his easily and they shared a sweet look. No wrackspurts there. 

Luna was right, though. I was still in there, hidden somewhere within all the moments shared with him. 

Would I even recognize myself in the mirror? 

I didn’t think so, and that was okay. 

* * *

_ I still hate thunderstorms. I still have nightmares that pull me from my dreams and throw me back to that night. I awake to the memories of your touch — your fingers brushing against my ribs, your lips on my neck.  _

_ The news broke about your trial. Charges for murder, torture, rape. A single broken heart.  _

_ Ten years they say. Malfoy only got five and he tried to kill our headmaster.  _

_ What did you do, Theo?  _

_ I saw the signs, but I ignored them _ _ , choosing to see you as my knight in shining armour. You said there was  _ _ nothing you wouldn’t do for me _ _. I wonder how long I would have believed your lies if I hadn’t seen the truth for myself.  _

_ I want to hate you. I want to throw things and curse your name. I want to tell everyone what you did to me.  _

_ But I can’t. _

_ Because I know if they asked what happened between us, I wouldn’t be able to hold back.  _

_ I would tell them about how you found a broken girl and showed her that she was worthy of love. They would learn about your kind words and warm touch and loving heart. They would see you as more than the monster you are. _

_ I loved you, Theo, but I didn’t love myself until that moment. _ _ I needed to lose you to love me.  _

_ I’m ready to close our chapter and discover who I really am when I’m not chasing some boy. No more love potions or enchanted paper. No more hiding in closets and searching for stolen kisses that aren’t real.  _

_ Just Romilda. _


End file.
